We all do it. We do it all the time – whether we’re stressed out, excited, or just bored. You know what I’m talking about. Cuddling the kielbasa. Choking the chicken. Beating the meat. Basting the ham. Feeding bologna to the Smurfs. (Yes; that last one is what I call it. Don’t judge.)
The thing is: it gets boring doing the same thing over and over again. Dirty video on laptop (or entertaining scenario in my brain). Tissues. Lotion. Hand. Rinse. Repeat. Fall asleep. I needed to make things a bit more exciting.
When I added a Fleshlight into my routine, it definitely bumped things up a notch. After a few weeks, I thought, “Why not add a few more collection of items for our own self-pleasure into the mix?” I mean, women get to have fun with their vibrators and such. Why can’t us guys have a little collection of items for our own self-pleasure?
The first things I added to the mix after the Fleshlight were a couple of different manual strokers. One has a ribbed tunnel inside that provides very cool texture as you move in and out. It’s also made of a clear gel, which allows me to see what’s going on. (Hey; I’m a scientific type and I find it all very fascinating. Again: don’t judge.) The other is just a basic tube, which sounds boring, but it’s oh-so-tight and wonderful.
The pièce de résistance in my new collection is a stroker with a vibrator attached. Why should the ladies get to have all the fun? Guys: if you’ve never vibrated your junk, you are truly missing out. I thought it sounded odd at first, too. Don’t knock it ’til you’ve tried it. And did I just use “pièce de résistance” to refer to a sex toy? Yes. Yes, I did.
With my newly expanded hobby, I never wonder what I’m going to do when I’m bored. The question now is how I’m going to go about feeding bologna to my Smurfs.
